Missing UP (random ranting)

Last night, my husband reminded me that it's UP Fair once more in UP Diliman... a big part of me wants to jump on the next bus going to Manila, a bigger (and far saner) part of me sighed in resignation-- i couldn't just put everything off to go home...

I've considered UP my home for the five years I've spent there-- somehow I feel that I've grown up with the university, though admittedly it had been a witness to many tears and frustrations and doubts and self-loathing.

I miss UP during this time of the year because for me, it's during this time that UP is its most beautiful-- the sunflowers are beginning to bloom, the narra trees are filled with yellow blossoms, the fire trees are shedding their crimson blooms, the weather isn't so cold nor so warm...

I miss going on walks carrying a styrofoam cup of coffee with my then-boyfriend-now-husband Ryan discussing religion to philosophy to his obsession with the matrix to my obsession with the x-files to physics and chemistry and upcoming and past exams...

I miss the energy of the place: that I could "study" in the main library until midnight, listen to the blasting speakers of a nearby concert, sit under the stars until dawn, sit on the grass listening to Ryan playing songs on his guitar, have movie marathons on my laptop, study like crazy and slack off like the day is never going to end...

But it has ended--and while then I was itching to graduate, I now miss studying terribly. But mostly I think I miss who I was when I was in college-- I was constantly trying to discover myself, going to Mass everyday, reading up on everything from psychology to aliens to calculus to the Bible...

While a trip to memory lane is quite easy, a trip to UP seems like a luxury at the moment with a baby to consider and schedules to fix. I do hope that when I go back, I could show my son places that I miss, spots where mom and dad used to sit while downing yet another cup of coffee... mostly I want him to get to know me before I had him, that while I am "mom" who will tell him to "clean up his mess," I was also a kid who made quite a mess... and got told to clean up too.